Punishment vs. Discipline | Martial Arts of West End
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Sam Kalinoski reviewed Martial Arts of West End
5
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This is such a great school! They honestly care about you as a person first, not just a member. They also honestly teach you the arts and how to apply it in real life situations. This school dosen’t “sell belts” like other schools in the area; trust me... I did my homework, and did the trials; this is the best school in the area, maybe even Richmond

Doug Beisch

I have been a student of martial arts for more than 20 years and am a certified instructor in more than one art. I took my 2 young children here 5 years ago, and was impressed by the teaching acumen and the firm but fair attitude of Master Hubley and his cadre of instructors. While it may not be the most “martial” of martial arts schools, the children learn discipline, manners, self-respect, leadership, physical fitness, teamwork and myriad values that aid them them in achieving higher plateaus in their journey of life. Master Hubley is a true master in his mannerisms with children and his martial arts acumen. I am proud to send my children here and will continue to do so because it has been such a positive influence on their lives (self confidence, fitness and overall well being). Not my primary concern, but it is also one of the most affordable and enriching after-school programs available.

Aleric Harris reviewed Martial Arts of West End
5
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Martial Arts of West End has been in my life for 7 years, and has become a passion of mine, I haven't only grown as a person physically, but in other aspects like mentally, morally, and financially. From utilizing strong self defense to beautiful traditional forms and breaking your limits even when you think you can't, Martial Arts of West End is the place to be, with amazing instructors and the one and only Master Erik Hubley, you can accomplish anything. MAWE becomes your family always backing you up and being there for you, I don't know what I'd do without it, I love it!!!

Charli Barber reviewed Martial Arts of West End
5
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Martial Arts of West End is fantastic! The instructors are top notch, the curriculum is fast paced & fun and everyone treats you like family. Such an amazing workout and great life lessons. My son and I love MAWE!

Todd Soren reviewed Martial Arts of West End
5
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I simply can't say enough about Martial Arts of West End! Each instructor is fantastic and unique and brings their own style and perspective to the common values of the teachings. The family culture is welcoming and inclusive and creates an atmosphere that is always positive, encouraging, and supportive. Going to class several times a week has become a special bonding opportunity for my daughter and me to which we truly look forward. Whatever your motives -- be it learning self-defense, physical fitness, or just a hobby to keep busy -- Martial Arts of West End will no doubt exceed your expectations and help you become the very best version of yourself in the process.

Shannon Carr reviewed Martial Arts of West End
5
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Martial Arts of West End is a fantastic place to train martial arts. Classes are fun, the people are friendly, and the instructors take the time to tailor instruction to the individual. They work with people with any sort of obstacle or challenge to best meet their needs. Training at this school is rigorous and challenging, but it is also accessible to anyone, young or not-so-young, fit or ready to become fit, new or experienced.

Jeneva Hockett reviewed Martial Arts of West End
5
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I can't say enough about this place. My kids have been there a few years now and I couldn't ask for a better place for them. Master Hubley not only teaches martial arts, but true deep down core values that so many children lack today. He also maintains great relationships and communication with parents. He truly cares whole heartedly for each individual child and their families. For our family martial arts of west end is not just an after school program- they're also a PART of our family

Courtenay Fisher reviewed Martial Arts of West End
5
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Exceptional, nurturing, empowering, confidence-building, mentally and physically challenging, and so much more. These are just a few of the words I could use to describe this wonderful school.

We were fortunate to become part of the Martial Arts of West End family a few years ago. I had studied martial arts many years earlier, but wanted to begin again and give my kids the benefit of martial arts training. Master Hubley and all the instructors immediately drew us in with their family-friendly program and their genuine interest in our success.

Bill Norris reviewed Martial Arts of West End
5
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Master Hubley and his team run a wonderful program. They teach kids discipline, respect, self-confidence, and the power of setting/achieving your goals. If you are up for it, they will teach parents the same thing. Join a great program that you can do with your children. Its well worth it.

Kelli Cannon Brown reviewed Martial Arts of West End
5
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Martial Arts of West End provides outstanding after school and summer camp care for kids!! We've been members of Master Hubley's school for almost 7 years for two kids and I can honestly say that we've never considered another option once we started! Outstanding in every aspect!

Smita Lal reviewed Martial Arts of West End
5
via Facebook

Me and my 5 years old son joined the martial arts seven months back with apprehension because this was our first time but I am happy to say that Master Hubley, Master Davis and all other instructors and members are very cooperating, helpful and patient with us as well as with all other students. I highly recommend this martial art class. This is a great place to learn taekwando.
Front desk staff is also cheerful and helpful. Lots of respect to Master Hubley! Thank you Sir.

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Punishment vs. Discipline

Good behavior is a learning process for children, and we are their roadmap. Children usually behave per their own emotions and impulses. At the same time, being a parent is also a learning process and sometimes we rely on our own emotions and impulses to teach. Usually, that means we divert directly to punishments when a child misbehaves, missing a crucial opportunity to teach them. With that said, I am going to break down how to teach good behavior through discipline vs. punishment.

Let’s compare the two words and what they really mean:
• Punishment – means to inflict pain or suffering as a penalty.
• Discipline – means to teach.

It’s understandable that we as parents can get very frustrated when a child misbehaves, specifically when they make the same poor behavior choices over and over. At the same time, if we have clear goals to teach good behavior skills, then we can respond better. The better we respond, the better the results.

What are our goals for our children when they misbehave?
• Our first goal is to get them to cooperate. This is primarily short-term.
• The second goal that we don’t always consider is more long-term, and that is to make better choices without the threat of punishment or consequences.
• To accomplish this, we need to consider both as often as possible. To accomplish this requires that you are patient, present, and intentional.

Now, let’s look at how punishment and discipline compare when accomplishing our goal of developing good behavior skills…

Punishment vs. Discipline:
• Punishment may shut down a behavior, but if you teach your child, then they will develop self-discipline skills such as managing emotions and impulses.
• When you discipline, you maintain a high relationship between trust and self-confidence.
• When you punish, you build a proverbial wall and decrease one’s trust self-confidence.
With that said, it makes sense to have a strategy for disciplining a child when they misbehave…

3-steps of discipline:

1. CONNECT – this doesn’t mean to be permissible or passive, but to ensure that as you begin to set clear expectations, your child calms down emotionally and feels your loving/ caring approach. When a child is upset, they are less likely to hear what you are saying. You must be patient so that you remain as calm as possible during the process, which is the hardest but most stress-free way to discipline.

2. RE-DIRECT – list out what the poor behavior choice was as well as what the proper behavior choice is, see my podcast Episode 12: ‘Making Choices’ for more information. This requires you to be present so that you can clearly calculate the desired outcome.

3. REPAIR – discuss necessary steps on how to solve the current behavior problem, review better choices, and set ground rules should the poor behavior choices continue. This requires you to be intentional in your actions so that your long-term goals start to take shape.
Of course, this strategy won’t work all the time, so it’s also important to have a backup strategy. For starters, it’s better to say ‘consequences’ instead of ‘punishments’ so that your intentions are more goal-oriented versus pain-oriented.

When are consequences ok?
Only after you’ve you have worked through the 3 steps of discipline and still, your child intentionally disobeys the ground rules.

What type of consequences are ok?
One that matches the behavior. For example: if the child throws her iPad in an impulsive rage, then taking away her iPad for 48 hours is a considered a reasonable consequence. (A week is a long period and could potentially trigger more anger and rage. The goal is to teach her, but also empower her to self-correct her behavior in the future. The smaller time frame will teach her that throwing things is not acceptable, but at the same time, you trust that she will re-correct this behavior within the next few days.)

What type of consequence are not ok?

• One that is retroactive. For example: taking away good things isn’t the best consequence, such as karate lessons, which positively reinforces self-discipline. Although parents may think this is a good move because it’s an activity they like a lot and the pain of losing karate will teach them a valuable lesson, it’s doing the opposite. Pain infliction based on taking away something they like may cause more misbehavior and instill long-term damage in their trust for you. Also, strongly consider the fact that they lose all the positive benefits karate reinforces such as discipline, confidence, fitness, positive social interaction, and more.
• One that decreases morale. For example: taking away a student’s belt will shame the child, which decreases self-esteem. Public humiliation will leave a permanent footprint in the child’s brain, specifically a negative one. For every negative footprint left, self-esteem and morale decrease. The more children lack self-confidence and moral, the lesser chance you have of them believing in themselves to make proper behavior choices. So, what do you do if you have a child that is misbehaving all the time with bits of rage, back-talking, and defying the rules?

• You map out a productive strategy that includes a method for building proper behavior habits along with pre-determined consequences. For example: if you hit someone, then you must write a letter to the person you hit (or if you are younger, you must apologize face to face with a specific pre-framed apology).

• If you throw something, then you lose a personal item for 48 hours.

• If you show poor manners, then you must re-enact the proper manner if you are younger, or write a letter about having better manners. All of this should be pre-framed.

• If you wake up late for school because you stayed up late the night before, then you must go to bed an hour earlier for the next two days.

At the same time, if you want consequences to work then you also need rewards. Reward your child when she goes a week without misbehaving. (This time frame may be shorter or longer depending on the child.) Also, the best rewards are not material things, but more relationship-building rewards. For example, she can pick to go to a family movie or a special place for a family dinner. My suggestion is to make a list of rewards and consequences so that you are prepared. Now, what if you’ve tried this strategy and it doesn’t work? For starters, be sure to give it time. If you are struggling with your child, then you must be reasonable on how long it will take to develop better behavior choices. It won’t happen overnight, and at the same time, she may get better and then fall off track again. However, if you’ve tried these strategies for a solid month with no success, then the next step is to bring in an expert. Chances are there are some neurological deficiencies there that are interfering with her development. Bottom line, the three biggest takeaways from this are:

• Discipline is better, more positively-productive method for instilling long-term behavior skills.
• Connect, re-direct, and repair is the 3-step method for developing self-discipline skills.
• When necessary, the consequences are more productive than punishments. Avoid consequences that are retroactive or ones that decrease morale. Be sure to add rewards as well.